Spades Slick

[Spades Slick]

Greetings, useless peons.
You've done terrible so far.
Treading venom pools for eons,
Suff'ring with no scar~
Mercy everlasting,
Hiding who you are,
Welcome to the dark side.
My name is
Jack No....IIIIIIR~~

Name: Sovereign Slayer, Jack Noir, Spades Slick (He’ll just go by Spades Slick here)
Age: Young adult
Gender: Male
Height: Average height, but not very tall.
Weight: X
Physical Appearance: Spades appears much like every other resident of the planet Derse. Human-like in appearance, but essentially just a coal-black carapace. He’s a little taller than the other Dersian underlings. He wears a black suit and a black hat, probably sticking to such a plain outfit due to years of being forced to dress in ridiculous outfits by the Black Queen.

During the Midnight Crew intermission, he loses an arm and an eye. Some time after, he replaces his missing arm with a robot arm and finds an eyepatch.

Picture: browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=Spades+Slick#/d31li7v

I'm the overlord of badass!
The shadow-magic priest!
Chosen ones, cry out for mother!
Of trouble YOU'RE the least.
I really hate these stupid hats,
And that stupid king!
That overarching monarch
Can shove something up his... THING.

Personality: Jack may be quiet, but he is by no means a soft-spoken man. His motto is essentially “stab first, ask questions never”. He keeps his thoughts to himself most of the time, and lets his knives do all his talking for him. Stabbing is also his way of saying hello, so don’t take it personally.

He sure loves his knives.

He often acts irrationally and without thinking, and is very temperamental. However, he also has the tendency to act like a large child. When alone, he plays with his horse hitcher and lance/cigarette holder, and pretends to be a jouster. But this stopped when Snowman (aka, the Black Queen) caught him in the act. He seemed rather embarrassed and angry, and claimed he would never live it down.

He also can play the piano, apparently. (But he can't really sing.)

History: Under the name of Jack Noir, he was the Archagent of Derse and the direct subordinate of the Black King and Queen. He basically pushed paperwork all day, until he decided to ally himself with the trolls during their session of Sgrub. With his help, they were able to dethrone the Black Queen, who refused to wear the likeness of the deity known as “Bilious Slick” when Aradia Megido prototyped the statue of a frog. When a player of Sburb or Sgrub “prototypes” something, the royalty of both Prospit and Derse take on appearances of that prototyping… provided that the queens are wearing their Rings and the kings are holding their Scepters.

[To Prospitians(residents of Prospit, the opposite of Derse), Bilious Slick is a god. Rightfully so, because he essentially –is- the universe. But Dersians don’t believe in that, and often refer to him as a joke, which is why the Black Queen removed her ring and stepped down from power when a frog was prototyped.]

Oh yeah, they call me Jack Noir!
You might think that I'm the star,
When really there's a dad
Who makes me glad I haven't had
The pleasure, yes to treasure,
This saturnine existence
'Tween these fenestrated walls...!

Some time later, he becomes an exile, travelling on the ruined planet of Alternia, aka former home to the trolls. Through some weird time shenanigans, he witnesses himself from the future pop back in time to beat the crap out of members of the Felt. He does not recognize this man as himself, but acknowledges his fashion sense.

Presumably much later, he changes his name to Spades Slick(as a big middle finger to the Black Queen, who is now called SnOwman) and he starts up a gang called the MIDNIGHT CREW. He (presumably) leads them on a bunch of wacky adventures. This includes raiding THE FELT MANOR, home to… well… the Felt. He and the other Midnight Crew members proceed to kill every green torso they see, along with every clock. Their goal was to find and kill the notorious Lord English, master of the universe.

Goodbye, useless peons.
You were horrible in life.
Jumped off the galleon
'Thout so much as a strife...

But then oh no something happened everyone died he found a vault and became Karkat’s exile the end but not really because later he finds Doc Scratch(like Lord English only less evil) and bonks him with a horse hitcher.

Lets just say, for simplicity’s sake, that in alternate timeline, Doc Scratch boots Slick out of his house and the resulting boot caused him to land in this universe.

He guesses he can’t stab everyone, so he’ll just assume a job as a teacher and stab everyone in small amounts. One at a time, you know?

House: Venomfang

Allies: The Midnight Crew, Lil Cal(ONE TRUE FRIEND)


Enemies: The Felt, SnOwman, Lord English, Doc Scratch, clocks, trolls, humans, etc


LoveHate Interest: SnOwman

Year at School: “Teaches” history, meaning he makes shit up as he goes along.


Favorite Subject: Stabbing

Peace or Power: Power. He will tear down this school and make a NEW one. A better one. He’ll call it Spades Slick’s School of Badass. Yeah. That’s cool. Really rolls off the tongue oh my gosh Slick you are a moron.

Archagent everlasting!
I'll tear the sky ajar!
Goodnight everybody!
My name is Jack, oh
My name is Spades? - NO!
My name is Jack Noir!
My name is... Jack... No....ir!

[Clopin]

Approved, sire.
Welcome to the school~